Are You A Victim?

Questions to ask yourself


Click a link below to skip to that section

Information adapted from National Domestic Violence Hotline website, "DV Victims and Survivors" 2004, http://www.ndvh.org

Does your partner:

  1. Act extremely jealous of others who pay attention to you, or use jealousy to justify his/her actions?
  2. Control your finances, behavior and even whom you socialize with?
  3. Make you afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures like smashing things, destroying your property or displaying weapons?
  4. Threaten to kill you or commit suicide?
  5. Make all the decisions?
  6. Stop you from seeing or talking to friends, family or limits your outside involvement?
  7. Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault or even deny doing it?
  8. Threatens to kill your pets?
  9. Puts you down in front of other people, humiliates you, plays mind games and makes you feel as if you are crazy?
  10. Prevents you from getting or keeping a job?
  11. Takes your money or does not let you know about or have access to the family income?
  12. Threatens to take the children away?

Do You:

  1. Become quiet when he/she is around and feel afraid of making him/her angry?
  2. Cancel plans at the last minute?
  3. Stop seeing your friends and family members, becoming more and more isolated?
  4. Find yourself explaining bruises to family or friends?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be involved in a relationship that is physically, emotionally or sexually abusive.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

  1. Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
  2. Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
  3. Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
  4. Scared you by driving recklessly.
  5. Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
  6. Forced you to leave your home.
  7. Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
  8. Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
  9. Hurt your children.
  10. Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

  1. Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
  2. Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
  3. Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
  4. Scared you by driving recklessly.
  5. Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
  6. Forced you to leave your home.
  7. Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
  8. Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
  9. Hurt your children.
  10. Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

  1. Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
  2. Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
  3. Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
  4. Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
  5. Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
  6. Held you down during sex.
  7. Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
  8. Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
  9. Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
  10. Ignored your feelings regarding sex.

Safety Planning

Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can be used while you are still with your abuser, or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety within your home is of primary importance.

First, memorize safe numbers including the police, family, or a local domestic violence agency. If possible, obtain a cell phone to keep with you at all times.

Your safety plan should recognize dangerous areas within your home, including the kitchen or the garage where weapons are available, or the bathroom and other small places where one might be trapped. If possible, get to a room with a phone or a way to escape. If your friends or neighbors are aware of the situation set up signals or code words either by phone or alternative method that informs them that the situation is violent at home.

If you are planning on leaving your home, place an extra set of keys outside or in a hiding space and give extra copies of pertinent documents to someone you trust or placed in a hiding place.

After you leave, change your locks as well as add window locks and sensor lighting. You may also want to ask co-workers or neighbors to notify the police if the abuser is seen.

If there are children involved in the situation, the school should be notified of possible threats or and the current custody situation. Make sure the school knows who the children can be released to and to not give out any information.

Vary your route to work and change passwords on bank and e-mail accounts. Keep the restraining order or order of protections paperwork with you at all times, as well as a diary or journal with harassing e-mails or voice mails, violations of orders and actual attempts at contact recorded.